The festive season, time of love;
Tinsel angels strung above.
While within the shopping mall
We buy the cards that once a year
We dutifully send to all.
Buy presents that will disappear
(Unwanted gifts from Santa Claus)
Perhaps turn up in charity stores
Or recycled, eventually
Appear on next year's Christmas tree.
While we have our Christmas dinner,
The ozone layer is getting thinner.
So listen to this early warning
Use sun block with a fifteen factor;
And get yourself a good thick awning.
Spray with a strong insect detractor
(And if you're using one of mine
It's sure to be ozone benign).
Cover yourself. I fear my dear
Bikinis are quite out this year.
They say the world is slowly warming;
Carbon dioxide clouds are forming
Up there in the atmosphere.
Soon we'll all be baked or stewed;
Slowly roasted or I fear,
Maybe merely barbecued.
Don't worry it won't come today
And who wants rain forests anyway?
With all those trees and snakes and mozzies
They're no place for dinkum Ozzies.
Far, far from where the Chid was born
It's Christmas south of Capricorn.
Bathers, thongs and sunburn blocker,
Wrapped inside your Christmas stocking.
(Though any self respecting ocker
would find a stocking rather shocking).
Barbecues and sausage sizzling
Crates of beer and casks of Reisling.
For now forget your social mission
Greenhouse, ozone, nuclear fission
And drink in the true Australian tradition
So top up your wine or if you've any, rum;
And give a toast to the new millennium